So there’s been a little series going around the blogosphere, and you may have seen it. It all started because of this post written by Jess Constable. Ez, of Creature Comforts created this little project to inspire authenticity and real life in blogging. It’s often hard to decipher real life between status updates, tweets, inspiring blog posts, and Instagram photos. I’m far from perfect, and after reading everyone’s posts (links here), I felt compelled to write my own. Turns out it feels really good!
1. I put pressure on myself to be everything, to do it all, and I feel like a failure if I’m not doing “it all”. And then I turn to comparison; I start looking at others’ lives and work, thinking, “Why can’t I do that? What am I even doing? What if I never do anything worthwhile in my life?” And I get anxious… Eventually I snap out of it and realize those are ridiculous thoughts and of course I can’t do and be everything. It’s normal for someone creative to have many interests. I just have to take the journey one step at a time, no matter how it may turn out. (My mind is crazy, I tell you.:)
2. I’m one of those people that is chronically late. I hate that about myself and I am desperately trying to change right now. I have memories of being late starting in middle school. I don’t know why it’s not something I can just “fix” about myself. I also don’t know why I do it because I usually toil over something coming up on my schedule for hours prior to it. (ie. I’ll think about that afternoon appointment all morning in the back of my mind). I think my problem is just that I’m trying to fit a million different things in before that time comes. (Again, this pressure on myself to do it all, to get it all done.) But I know I can be on time, I know I can change. And I don’t have to get it all done. (Wish me luck!)
3. I’m very ambitious and I’m also at a vulnerable, transitional place in my career. It’s now been a couple years since I graduated college and the past couple years have been sometimes wonderful and sometimes difficult to adjust. I recently left my 8-5 cubicle job to work as an educator at a new store opening of lululemon athletica. I’m now at the point where if I’m serious about my goal of becoming self-employed I need to start making it happen. It’s just all about self-motivation. And managing fear.
4. I am a night owl, not a morning person. I’m one of those people that could sleep in every day until ten or eleven o’clock (and, admittedly, sometimes does.) I’m kind of embarrassed about that because it makes me feel lazy, but sometimes it just feels good. I often think that I should develop a more “normal schedule” (closer to someone with an 8-5), but sometimes I wonder if it’s ok and I just need to work to when I want to and when I feel creative.
6. I’ve had acne on and off since my teens. It’s a constant struggle and I’m super self-conscious about it. I might be sharing more about this as it’s one of the main reasons I started my cleanse. I’m worried that it will never go away.
5. Sometimes I have no desire to sit on my computer and blog. I just don’t want to look at others’ work and blogs and get distracted or feel inadequate. Plus my shoulders get super tight and my hands are often freezing when I’m my computer. (I now wear fingerless gloves and Nick calls me “wet bandit” …it’s a weird reference from Home Alone. Yep, weird.) I know that working on the computer for long periods of time is terrible for my body and my posture. Yet at the same time I really enjoy it, especially the connections I’ve made and the things I discover. My goal is to become a full-time creative freelancer and blogger, requiring significant time on the computer. It’s a weird balance. Frequent breaks and yoga help, but I’m still constantly figuring it out.
7. I often forget to relax and have fun. Yes, forget. Like I always feel like I should be working or “getting something done” to the point where I’ll turn down social events and stay home to work.
8. I’m an introvert, and while I often feel best in those moments when I’m extroverted, confident and outgoing, I also relish in my alone time spent at home. I worry about remaining quiet and shy and stuck in my own head. I also over-think EVERYTHING.
9. I’m a little afraid of the future and growing old. Of what I’ll aspire to be, what will happen. What Nick and I will feel, what we’ll face, or where we’ll end up. What we’ll create for ourselves, and what we’ll leave behind.
10. I’ve never thought of myself as a writer, but it’s an area I want to develop. I’ve recently been trying to write more on my blog and get more personal. And I’m really enjoying it. I’m also kind of scared about that and how it will be accepted, but I’m trying anyway.
Well there it is. It was pretty scary to hit publish for this one. Thanks for reading, friends. There’s more where that came from, but maybe for another brave day. I hope to share more of these thoughts and feelings in a new series about my ambitions, creative journey, and career. I should also add to the list that this week I realized I’ve been thinking I’m a year younger than I actually am. Ha! Oh boy.
P.S. If you want to read more of these posts, Ez included links to other awesome, authentic bloggers that participated. :)
(image via Creature Comforts)