I’ve been thinking a lot about growth and the feeling of in between lately. Have you ever felt “in between” who you are and who you want to be? Strangely, I’ve felt in this place for many months. It’s weird living in a space of fear and unknown, and in many ways I’ve been paralyzed as a result. I’m finally starting to get it through my head that change and growth within doesn’t just happen, it’s filled with purpose and intention. The capacity for change and transformation takes courage. I’ve realized how this tension of in between can wreak havoc in both the mind and body. It’s a constant, draining anxiety that I haven’t wanted to fully acknowledge.
Have you ever had this realization? That if you really wanted to make a change in your life it was time to take that scary, purposeful step? For me, a lot of it has to do with the redesign of my new site. That project I talked about months ago? Yeah, it’s completely ridiculous that it’s not finished (but it will be). In all honesty I’ve been afraid to take the next step. More on that another day.
I’m not yet sure of who I want to be…but are we ever? I think there will always be evolving, but my hope is that it is out of boldness and not fear. I want to be less afraid and more confident to show the world who I am, both personally and professionally. I’m sure there will always be some of this tension in life. Perhaps it requires both the audacity to change as well as the realization that allowing ourselves grace is equally important. Sometimes change just takes time. Any step, however small, is progress.
I’d love to hear, have you ever felt this sense of “in between” before? Do you think growth and change in adulthood is intentional? As we grow and evolve, does it happen naturally or is it more of a conscious decision?
xoxo
Thursday, February 21st, 2013, 6:25 pm | 
Personal | 
RSS feed
| 
Respond | 
Trackback
February 21, 2013 at 7:52 pm
Yes! I think creative entrepreneurs especially feel this often out because there is always something MORE we could be doing to improve our business. But I think it is good to constantly be on a path of improvement, and change, and growth. The challenge is to be at the same time content and happy right where I am. I just recently found your site though and I do have to say, I think the current design in lovely :)
[Reply]
Colleen Reply:
February 22nd, 2013 at 8:39 am
Aw thank you Kate, that is so sweet! Such great points…the trick is to be always challenging ourselves yet content and happy…well said. : ) xo!
[Reply]
February 22, 2013 at 10:04 am
I definitely agree with you and Kate. I feel like as creatives we are always growing and changing, mostly unintentional, but sometimes it’s a change that we bring upon ourselves intentionally. It’s hard to feel that we may ever get to the point we are changing into or for, but it will come eventually. Through patience and hard work it will come. :)
[Reply]
Colleen Reply:
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:19 pm
You’re so right, Kory. Thanks for sharing. Cheers to patience and hard work! xo
[Reply]
February 22, 2013 at 10:04 am
I think we’ve all been there at some point, and in my opinion, just deciding to move forward and taking the first step is scary but essential. My Dad said this to me when I was struggling as a young adult, and I have reminded myself of it at many transitional points in my life…
“jump and build your wings on the way down”
[Reply]
Colleen Reply:
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:20 pm
Susan, that is such a sweet thing for your father to say to you…I love it!! Thanks so much for sharing. xo
[Reply]
February 22, 2013 at 10:23 am
A great observation, Colleen. The “in between” can be a nebulous, asthmatic space, with no footholds and no rails on which to ride to your next destination. The trick, I think, is to become comfortable in that space. And the trick to that is realizing that the current “in between” was once a desired but fantastically distant destination. You’ve already arrived.
I’ll leave you with a quote from David Foster Wallace. It reminds me that whoever I am, it’s enough. It has to be, because it’s all I’ve got.
“If you worship money and things — if they are where you tap real meaning in life — then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already — it’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power — you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart — you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on.”
[Reply]
Colleen Reply:
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:19 pm
Casey, I love what you said about the current “in between” being a once desired but distant destination…such a great point! Thank you for sharing that amazing quote, too! xo
[Reply]
February 22, 2013 at 11:18 am
First I’d like to say that I love your In Between Design. :)
Second, I’d like to say that as someone who’s a bit older I can tell you with all certainty that you’ll never have it all figured out and you will change your mind and grow and shift for the rest of your life. The key is to just start somewhere.
I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is to listen to my heart and start small and let things unfold organically in their own time.
You’re very talented Colleen, probably in more ways than you even know so stop thinking so much and just DO but make sure you are doing YOU! :)
[Reply]
Colleen Reply:
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:16 pm
Thanks, Shayla!! It’s so nice to hear your perspective and love your advice. Thank you for the encouragement! xo
[Reply]
February 22, 2013 at 3:38 pm
Great post. Perhaps because I’m in the same spot, I really appreciated the thought and the feedback. I think sometimes change happens organically {we stumble and trip into new relationships, jobs, adventures} and other times it’s more purposeful {we have to give ourselves a little push to get to the next part of our journey}.
I just read this from Monica Berg {co-founder of Raising Malawi}:
No matter what the situation, no matter what the external influence, true and lasting happiness is achieved through our ability to grow and change; every situation, every person we meet, every moment of difficulty we encounter is an opportunity to transform and live with joy.
So excited to see the new design of your fun + inspiring blog!
[Reply]
Colleen Reply:
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:15 pm
Thanks so much, Christina! What an amazing quote! Happy to have you reading. xo
[Reply]
February 23, 2013 at 12:54 pm
I’ve had the same experience lately too. Me and my long term boyfriend broke up, and it’s been turbulent for a few months now. However, it’s made me realise the person I am, who I want to be, what makes me tick, what i need in life, etc. I feel happy for it but it hasn’t been without pain. To help, I made a little list of “my goals”, it keeps me focused.
I think everyone develops as they grow older in life, however, we all those major points that really define us.
I think that not everyone finds who they truly are at the same time, sometimes people find out when their 19, others not until their 45 years old – it depends, but it doesn’t matter when. It’s all about accepting who you are. I maybe only 19, but I’ve had many experiences both good and bad in my life already, but it’s made me the person I am today. My next step is to curb my anxiety a bit, and look at things in a different perspective.
Good luck!
Emily Jayne Lewis
http://www.emilyjaynelewis.blogspot.co.uk
x
[Reply]
Colleen Reply:
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:15 pm
Thank you so much for sharing, Emily! Love having a list of goals and what a great point about timing – that just makes sense! Wishing you the best! xoxo
[Reply]
February 25, 2013 at 4:28 am
i def feel like this sometimes. i think its both natural and purposeful as we change as people. we have to adapt to where our lives are going and sometimes we don’t have a choice to change.
[Reply]
February 28, 2013 at 11:47 pm
Hey Colleen-
Just wanted to shoot you a note and say that I appreciate this post. It totally resonated with me because I, too, am in a land of in between. It is such a tricky place- and yet it can be so beautiful. It can be so overwhelming feeling like you aren’t where you dream/want to be. I have been feeling the weight of that lately. And yet I am bound and determined to enjoy the journey along the way too. Choosing to be joyful and turn our back on the darkness is such a difficult thing, but so so worth it. I’m new to following your blog, but from what I’ve seen- everything you create is beautiful. Be encouraged- you are inspiring others, like me! I look forward to learning more. :)
[Reply]
Colleen Reply:
March 3rd, 2013 at 6:07 pm
Hi Mandy, thank you so much for your sweet comment! It made my day. Happy to hear this resonated with you and thanks for your encouragement! Cheers to enjoying the journey! xo
[Reply]